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The Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles

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Neat Links and Videos

It may be Time World Clock

For my Biker friends ... My Harley 

Real Redneck ... Turtle Hunter

What a burger ... Waffle Burger

This is a friend of mine from KY.... We work out at the same Gym as you can see. :-) Carl Hurley

Another Good ole Gal    Jeanne Robertson 
Don't Bungee Jump Naked 

Neat .... Amazing Parking Lot

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Other neat stuff

Turtle Cake

1 cup chocolate chips
2 cups pecans
3/4 cup melted butter
1/2 cup evaporated milk
1 (14 ounce) bags caramels
1 1/3 cups water ( or as called for by your cake mix)
1/3 cup oil ( or as called for by your cake mix)
3 eggs ( or as called for by your cake mix)
1 (18 ounce) boxes German chocolate cake mix

Prepare cake mix as directed.
Pour 1/2 of the batter in a 13x9 inch pan.
Bake at 350 for 15 minutes.
Remove and let cool.
In a double boiler, add carmels, milk and butter and stir constantly till melted.
Pour melted carmel over cooling cake.
Sprinkle on top 1 cup of pecans& chocolate chips.

Pour remaining batter on top and bake for an additional 20 minutes

True Map of Florida

Finally, a true map of Florida that explains this weird, but wonderful state.


Survey on Accidents

A recent joint study conducted by the  Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.   
This means that  the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee,  carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and shit like that.
Therefore,  beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.

This message is sent by someone who worries about your well being.

Hollywood Squares:

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..  

Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?  
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
  (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)  

.   Do female frogs croak?  
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under
  water long enough.  

If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be  
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

 True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

 You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you   think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

 Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

 In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..

 What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

 As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

 Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

 Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

 In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..

 During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

 Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

 When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

 If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

 According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

 It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

 Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?  
A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

 Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

 According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


Elk Sex
Two guys are drinking in a bar.
One says: "Did you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
"Aw crap..," says his friend, "and I just joined the VFW!"

Mid Life Crisis:

After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, 'Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.
Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.
 My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Sisters Beer

While shopping, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler.  One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"
     The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the check-out counter."
     "I can handle that without a problem," the other replied as she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out.
      The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the nuns put down the beer.  "We use beer for washing our hair," the nun said.  "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will."
     Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, found a package of pretzel sticks and put them in the bag.  He looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."

Guess What This Is? And don't cheat!!

Hint: picture was taken in 1956...


It's a hard disk drive  back in 1956... with 5 MB of storage.  In September 1956 IBM launched the 305 RAMAC, the  first 'SUPER' computer with a hard disk drive (HDD). The HDD  weighed over a ton and stored a 'whopping' 5  MB of data.
Do you appreciate your 8 GB memory stick a little more now? Or do you only have a 6 GB memory stick?

 All in one Month... It happens once in 823 years... :-)

Daylight Saving Time

An Old Nun
who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and talk with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: "And do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other.. very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,
"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down"Why?" The worker yelled back,
"'Cause his wife's here with his lunch."


Clorox vs peroxide VERY interesting and inexpensive. This was written by Becky Ransey of Indiana (a doctor's Wife), and I want to share it with you. She was over recently for coffee and smelled the bleach I was using to clean my toilet and counter tops. This is what she told me. 'I would like to tell you of the benefits of that Plain little ole bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store. What does bleach cost?
My husband has been in the medical field for over 36 years, and most doctors don't tell you about peroxide. Have you ever smelled bleach in a doctor's office? NO!!!
Why? because it smells, and it is not healthy! Ask the nurses who work in the doctor's offices, and ask them if they use bleach at home. They are wiser and know better! Did you also know bleach was invented in the late 40's? It's chlorine, folks! And it was used to kill our Troops. Peroxide was invented during WWI in the 20's. It was used to save and help cleanse the needs of our troops and hospitals.
Please think about this:
1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle) and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I bathe.) No more canker sores, and your teeth will be whiter without expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash.
2. Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of peroxide to keep them free of germs.
3. Clean your counters and table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe, or spray it on the counters.
4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill salmonella and other bacteria.
5. I had fungus on my feet for years until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let dry.
6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal with any medicine but was healed by soaking in peroxide.
7. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and Water and keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without Harming your septic system like bleach or most other Disinfectants will.
8. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture whenever you have a cold, plugged sinus. It will bubble and help to kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes, and then blow your nose into a tissue.
9. If you have a terrible toothache and cannot get to a dentist right away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly.
10. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will not have the peroxide-burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages but more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, reddish, or dirty blonde. It also lightens gradually, so it's not a drastic change.
11. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help get rid of boils, fungus, or other skin infections.
12. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing, pour it directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a minute, then rub it and rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary.
13. I use peroxide to clean my mirrors. There is no smearing, which is why I love it so much for this.
 Another place it's great is in the bathroom, if someone has been careless & has peed on the floor around the toilet & it's begun to smell of urine. Just put some peroxide in a spray bottle & spray. In the blink of any eye all the smell will be gone & the bacteria eliminated! I could go on and on. It is a little brown bottle no home should be without! With prices of most necessities rising, I'm glad there's a way to save tons of money in such a simple, healthy manner! ' This information really woke me up. I hope you gain something from it, too.
Clorox vs peroxide VERY interesting and inexpensive.

The Power of a Badge......

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs......

" Your badge. Show him your BADGE ! "

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A Fathers Deal
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son:  "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.  Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks, his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair... and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
love the Dad's reply:
"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

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86 year old man
An 86 year old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86 year old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.  I now have a 20 year old bride who is pregnant with my child.
'So what do you think about that, Doc?'
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.'

One day he was getting ready to go hunting. 
In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.' 
'As he neared the lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. 

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle, and went 'bang, bang'.' 
'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. 
Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor. 
The 86 year old said,
'Logic would strongly suggest that some other guy pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.' 
The doctor replied, 'My point exactly.'

Dolphins Blowing Bubbles

4 year olds mind

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought, "Great... he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun, I'll just let him ask and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said: "Well, son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad:
"How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

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Trivial Info

I have always said, you should learn something new every day.   Unfortunately, many of us are at that age where what we learn today, we forget tomorrow.
But, give it a shot anyway.

More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska .

The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% of the world's oxygen supply.
The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean.  The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States .

In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, Algeria, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years. Technically though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall there for two million years.

Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert; the average yearly total precipitation is about two inches.
Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.

Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around

Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning ' Big Village '.

Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1,
so named because it was the first paved road anywhere.

Los Angeles' full name is: El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula -- and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.

The term 'The Big Apple' was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930s who used the slang expression 'apple' for any town or city.
Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time - The Big Apple.

There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel

There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio, every one is manmade

The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4,53 sq. km.

The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C.
There is a city called Rome on every continent.

Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.

The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of two tennis courts and, as of 2001, has a population of 80 -- 20 less people than the Vatican.
It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.

Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits'.

St. Paul, Minnesota, was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre 'Pig's Eye' Parrant who set up the first business there.

Chances that a road is unpaved: in the U.S.A. = 1%; in Canada = .75%

The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Super deep Borehole, in Russia. It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles). It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries, one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen - so massive that the mud coming from the hole was boiling with it.

The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight.
These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

The water of Angel Falls (the world's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls .

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Q.  What's the Cuban National Anthem? 
A.  Row, Row, Row Your Boat. 
Q.  Where does an Irish family go on vacation? 
A.  A different bar. 
Q.  What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby? 
A.  Sum Ting Wong. 
Q.  What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? 
A.  A speech impediment. 
Q.  Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? 
A.  Because they're not going to work in the future either. 
Q.  Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays? 
A.  Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. 

Q.  What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A.  The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe. 
Q.  How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word? 
A.  Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!' 
Q.  What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? 
A.  A northern fairytale begins .... 'Once upon a time  ...' 
A southern fairytale begins ..... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'
Q.  Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? 
A.  Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.
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Cell phone for seniors

Moving to Florida

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A Look at the Future ...


Whether these changes are good or bad depends, in part, on how we adapt to them.

But, ready or not, here they come ... or should I say ... here they are already!


The Post Office

Get ready to imagine a world without the post office.

They are so deeply in financial trouble, that there is probably no way to sustain it long term.

Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive.

Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.


The Cheque

Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with checks by 2018.

-It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process checks.

Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise of the check.

-This plays right into the death of the post office.

If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail,

the post office would absolutely go out of business.


The Newspaper

The younger generation simply doesn't read the newspaper.

They certainly don't subscribe to a daily delivered print edition.

That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man.

As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it.

The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance.

They have met with Apple, Amazon and the major cell phone companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.


The Book

You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold in your hand and turn the literal pages.

I said the same thing about downloading music from iTunes.

I wanted my hard copy CD, but I quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the latest music.

The same thing will happen with books.

You can browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter before you buy.

And the price is less than half that of a real book.

Think of the convenience!

Once you start flicking your fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are lost in the story,

can't wait to see what happens next and you forget that you're holding a gadget instead of a book.


The Land Line Telephone

Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls, you don't need it anymore.

-Most people keep it simply because they're always had it.

But, you are paying double charges for that extra service.

All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using the same cell provider

for no charge against your minutes.



 This is one of the saddest parts of the change story.

The music industry is dying a slow death.

Not just because of illegal downloading.

It's the lack of innovative new music being given a chance to get to the people who would like to hear it.

-Greed and corruption is the problem.

The record labels and the radio conglomerates: simply, self-destruction.

-Over 40% of the music purchased today is "catalog items,"

meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with ... Older, established artists.

-This is also true on the live concert circuit.



Revenues to the networks are down dramatically.

Not just because of the economy.

People are watching TV and movies streamed from their computers and they're playing games and doing lots of other thingsthat take up the time that used to be spent watching TV.

Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest common denominator.

Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds.

I say 'good riddance' to most of it.

It's time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery.

Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.


The "Things" That You Own

 Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives, but we may not actually own them in the future.

They may simply reside in "the cloud."

Today, your computer has a hard drive and you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents.

Your software is on a CD or DVD and you can always re-install it if need be.

But all of that is changing.

Apple, Microsoft, and Google are all finishing up their latest "cloud services."

That means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be built into the operating system.

So, Windows, Google, and the Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet.

-If you click an icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud.

If you save something, it will be saved to the cloud.

And you may pay a monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider.

In this virtual world,

you can access your music or your books, or your whatever, from any laptop or handheld device.

-That's the good news.

But, will you actually own any of this "stuff" or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in a big "Poof?"

Will most of the things in our lives be disposable and whimsical?

It makes you want to run to the closet and pull out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf,

or open up a CD case and pull out the insert!



 If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically, it would be privacy.

-That's gone.

It's been gone for a long time anyway.

There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings and even built into your computer and cell phone.

-You can be sure that, 24/7, 'They' know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS coordinates, and the Google Street View.

If you buy something, your habit is put into a zillion profiles and your ads will change to reflect those habits.

-And 'They' will try to get you to buy something else ... Again and again and again.


 All we will have, that can't be changed, are Memories.

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